I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
