I puked a lego.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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