Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
