her vagine was all disorganized.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
