i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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