I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Fuck appropriateness.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
