shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
