the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
