Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
