Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Randomize
