I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
