No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
