4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
