its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
Randomize
