evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
