So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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