craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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