Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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