So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
