dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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