I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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