All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
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