grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Randomize
