I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
