i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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