he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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