I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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