As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
