I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Randomize
