My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
