is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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