So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
