you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
dear life, i get it, drinking is not a contest
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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