I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
