her vagine was all disorganized.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
