For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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