Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
stop calling my apartment porn island.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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