im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
