I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
