you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
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