He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
