A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
