Pants 0. Shit 1.
Its okay if i dont like him.his junk is just too good to resist.model penis,lame guy.
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Randomize
