if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
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