It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
