he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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