were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
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