We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Randomize
