I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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