great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
