omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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