if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
