I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
