When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Randomize
