she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
